Revelation of My Weakness

I am Void; An empty soul in a hollow body.
If death is indeed the final destination in life,
Does the journey after that revelation really matter?

I used to be an extremely proud person to the extent that I was starting to be proud of my sin of pride. Everything I did was perfect, Everything I am doing is the right thing, Everything I am going to do will be a success… At least that’s how I forced myself to perceive reality and project out my social image. Now, all I look forward in life is death.

Thinking back, I feel this weakness of mine might have been present in me from the beginning. I might have conjured this illusion of superiority and pride to avert my consciousness from this feeling of emptiness. The life of social interaction during my school and college years might have been the reason I chose that mask, in order to hide my helpless side. Then something phenomenal happened on March 2020; my college got shut down as a measure against the COVID-19 crisis. We, the idiots left for home feeling excited on witnessing such a global event in our lifetime. It’s been about 7 months since I actually went out of my house or met anyone significant from my book, other than my parents and my sister… 7 months since I lost the reason to mask my void self from the society and in turn from myself.

Now I wake up late in disappointment of waking up. Sit in front of a laptop all day long doing a humongous amount of mundane chores in the name of online “classes”. Go to bed late, overworked and overstresssed; hoping I won’t wake up tomorrow. Anyway I guess it’s a good start that I felt a need to do something of my own volition after a long while. I wanted to shout out these words to somebody and I found an outlet here.